Sunday, September 8, 2013

In which Chris Traeger leaves

I will admit that my attachment to fictional characters tends to go a little far.
And yes, I have probably rewatched Parks and Rec at least five times.
I realize that this is just a show and it has so actual role in my life

Deal with it Kaili. Move on.

But when I found out that Chris Traeger and Ann Perkins were leaving the show, my heart may have actually hurt. And I've realized that this has actual significant meaning in my life. It's not so much the characters in the show leaving me.

I've spent a good portion of my life taking a page from Peyton Sawyer's book and I have constantly told myself that

I would write this as a reminder to myself every single day. And every once in a while I still catch myself believing it.

It's not the characters. The characters are a representation of my own life. In all honesty, when I found out that Chris and Ann were leaving the show, it all suddenly hit me, and I'm hurting. I'm hurting so badly because I feel like I'm losing essential characters in my own life. And even though I feel that way, I'm too afraid to try and pull them back to me. To tell them how much I don't want to lose them.

I'm afraid. And I'm not okay with that.

I'm going back and I'm starting to believe that everyone really does leave. And I'm starting to beat myself up for becoming too attached....but I shouldn't. I shouldn't because if people choose to leave, if they decide to move on and cut me out of their lives, stop talking to me and pretend I don't exist, then they aren't worth holding onto anymore. 

I believe that if you truly want to have a relationship with someone-friendship, family, romantic or otherwise-then you're going to actually try to make an effort. And if the other person isn't going to try and make an effort then I shouldn't subject myself to grovelling at their feet.

Basically I just have to stick to what I know to be true: 
I'm a good person.
People change.
Life moves on. 
If it's meant to be, it will be. 
It will be okay in the end.

I don't regret letting myself get attached to people. I don't regret allowing myself to be vulnerable. The things that have happened to me have happened, I can't change that. In the end I'm a better person for that. 

So maybe I have to lose a few Chris Traegers or Ann Perkins along the way, but that's a part of life. And who knows maybe we'll find our way back to each other in the end. Maybe things won't be the same or maybe it will be like things never changed. I guess it's just a waiting game.

I think that these thoughts are the reason why Like Crazy is currently my favorite movie.

Sweater: Old Navy Pants: H&M Flats: Old Navy

Currently On Repeat: Ode To Sleep by Twenty One Pilots


  1. Ugh, agreed. I love Parks & Rec and I just can't imagine it without Ann's beautiful face or Chris' constant optimism and finger pointing haha. It won't be the same that's for sure!

    Rachel Emma
    Daydream Frenzy

    1. It totally agree. It's going to be one weird show without them. Traeger was my favorite character haha so I'm pretty sad.

  2. I am LITERALLY so sad that they're leaving but I love how you turned something as simple as characters leaving a show into a beautiful thought, you are an awesome writer!

    1. Oh my you're so kind. I didn't catch the literally joke at first haha. Thank you so much, that means a lot. :) I'm sad to see them go too.

  3. You seriously are such an amazing writer, the whole time I felt all the emotions! I have been through similar experiences often in my life and have recently tried to get more closure and comfort on the situation. Your post definitely inspired me to hold true to being myself and seeing self worth. Keep being an inspiration, I am sorry it's happening to you but keep your chin up! :)

    1. This is the sweetest comment ever. Thank you so much, Brooke. I hope that you're doing well. :) You have no idea how much this comment means to me. You're a sweetheart.

  4. I really need to get into Parks and Rec from the husband watches and swears I'd be a big fan. Also, lovin' that outfit!

    1. You would love it I'm sure. It's my favorite show. I put it on in the background when I have things to do because I just never tire of it. Thanks! :)

  5. Like Crazy is one of my favourite films, too! Such a beautiful little movie. x

    1. It's so real and true to life. I love it. Probably one of the very few movies that feels that way. And a lot of it was improvised by Felicity Jones and Anton Yelchin which is really cool.

  6. I totally agree, like that movie too! And also your look is so pretty dear!
    You have a cute blog, what about following each other via GFC and Bloglovin? Just let me know!


  7. wait, what?!?! they're leaving?! BUT WHY?!?!!?!?! we need them! i can't handle this. also, OTH fans unite! obviously our television choices make us meant-to-be-blog-friends.

    1. AWWW yes haha. I used to watch OTH with my Mother and little sister every week.
      I know I am so sad that they are leaving and I just simply don't know what to do with myself haha.


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